If, like me, you’re tired of the loneliness that comes with being single, the hollow promises of instant fulfilment in relationships, or the societal pressures that lure people into relationships they are not ready for, then you will find “Single on Purpose” a refreshing and empowering read. This book does not merely give your single status a purpose, it helps you own it, and embark on an incredible journey of self-discovery. Here are some lessons:

1. Redefine what it means to be single:
King encourages readers to abandon the tired stereotypes of lonely singles yearning for a partner. Loneliness, he argues, should be seen as a feeling and not an identity. If we start thinking that “I am alone” instead of “I feel lonely,” we may begin to believe that we are being rejected and will continue to be rejected because nobody wants to be around us. This feeling of loneliness gradually turns into hopelessness, which is quite depressing. However, Kim claims that if we are preoccupied with our feelings of loneliness and desperation, the last thing we need is a relationship because our desperation or hopelessness will only ruin whatever connection we end up in.

2. The Life Raft
We continue to drift further from ourselves, and the more we disconnect from ourselves, the more we crave connecting with someone else. Kim points out that this is why so many people settle for mediocre relationships that lead to years of misery and heartbreak. We start the relationship because we don’t want to be alone, and when it goes sour, we look for someone who will save us from our situation.

3. Find yourself first
Kim advises that before embarking on a healthy and meaningful relationship with anyone, building a better relationship with yourself is important. You are to first take care of yourself daily like you would for someone you love. Kim also suggests that it is important to break individual or familial patterns, ditch the life raft, find a sense of self, and avoid being codependent. You need to work on areas of your lives other than love. Because, according to Kim, there’s more to life than who we choose to love.

4. Radical Acceptance
Kim believes that accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot change is a good practice. This is what he calls “radical acceptance” which is saying yes to life just as it is. Radical acceptance, in this sense, does not mean giving up on love or taking yourself off the market. It means the opposite. That life doesn’t have to stop because you don’t have a partner. You should go out and live your life. Pursue your passions. Stop waiting, hoping, and being afraid.

5. Be Open to Possibilities:
While it is recommended to fully embrace and accept being single, Kim encourages his readers to always keep their hearts and minds open to the possibility of love. Instead of actively seeking a relationship, Kim emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal growth and development, trusting that love will come into your life naturally and at the right time.

6. Prioritize Self-Care
Singlehood can be an opportunity for self-discovery and self-love. Kim suggests taking some time to reflect on when you felt most alive and happy in your life. Once you identify what made you feel that way, try to find something that produces a similar feeling so you can reconnect with your inner self. It’s essential to take care of yourself, pay attention to your emotions, express yourself, and explore new hobbies. Plan a date with yourself and see how it goes. Remember that you cannot truly care for someone else until you have learned to care for yourself first.”

7. Develop Healthy Relationships:
Being single should not make you forget the importance of your relationships. Kim stresses the significance of maintaining connections with your friends, family, and loved ones. These relationships offer support, happiness, and a feeling of being part of something, all of which are crucial for your overall well-being. However, he advises us to be deliberate about who we stay friends with. He suggests metrics to use for an “annual friendship review” to help in sifting our cycle.

8. Grow your mind, soul, and body
Kim suggests that instead of passively waiting for companionship, we should focus on developing our mind, soul, and body. When we achieve this, we experience a sense of self-worth and become more likeable. We can achieve this by exercising regularly, eating healthy, getting enough rest, and pursuing activities that make us feel good about ourselves. Oh! This can include indulging in our favourite foods without guilt or shame. Additionally, we should engage in activities such as listening to podcasts, audiobooks, and reading materials that pique our interest. “I’ve learned more from audiobooks than from all my traditional school education combined. They’ve changed my life,” he says.

9. Move on
Your relationship may have been toxic and abusive. But Kim argues that you don’t heal by rejecting it, pretending it doesn’t hurt or not looking at it. That approach can just bury it for a while but keeps the hurt spreading within like a virus until it becomes destructive—to ourselves, to other people, or another relationship. If you really want to move on, Kim stresses that you start with acceptance. However, acceptance is a journey, and journeys take time. The problem with our attempt to move on is that it hands you a ticking clock, which adds even more pressure to move on. You have to fully grieve the death of the relationship and allow yourself to feel everything you have lost. Don’t try to cope in other ways like with sex, drugs, or food, or maybe by jumping from relationship to relationship. You have to go through the process to heal.

Remember, as C. S Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we have left behind.”

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